Sorry Mom & Dad: How to not look like a freshman

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First Posted: 8/26/2014

Freshman year of college is probably the best year in a person’s life. #realtalk

After all, you don’t have to listen to your parents, you can have sex in your room whenever you want and you meet the best friends you will ever make in your life. #morerealtalk

While being a freshman can be as exciting as the idea of the hoverboard from “Back to the Future” actually being invented, nobody wants to look like one.

Looking like a freshman is worse than adult acne, YouTube pop-up ads and Taylor Swift’s new “era” of music combined.

The problem with looking like a freshman is that everybody will laugh at you and nobody will want to hang out with you except for other freshman – kind of like virgins.

Before you have a panic attack, relax!

I’m here to help you.

As someone who was a freshman in college twice, here are four helpful tips to not look like a freshman:

•Don’t be too school for cool

I’ll never forget coming home and serving at TGI Friday’s, a job I started the summer after graduation, during the my first winter break.

When I went in to check my schedule, I was covered head-to-toe in Cal U apparel.

“You look like such a freshman,” laughed my co-workers.

The bookstore may have some awesome school swag, but it doesn’t mean you need a folder, sweatshirt, shorts, coffee mug, car sticker and key chain proving that you’re in college now.

There’s nothing wrong with rocking one or two of these, but all of the above is totes embarrassing.

•Keep the student ID for your wallet

Going from living at home with your parents to living at college is a big deal. Naturally, so is seeing your face on an ID for your institution of higher learning.

There’s nothing wrong with sneaking a glance at it and smiling from the excitement of realizing you’re in f—king college!

However, once you put it away, make sure it goes in a wallet.

Don’t put it on a lanyard and carry your ID around your neck.

It’s not only third party embarrassment for the rest of the campus, it’s basically the fanny-packs of ID storage.

•Don’t get drunk off one beer

Every frat party has that girl who gets so drunk off of a small plastic cup of Natty Light that she starts walking like the Scarecrow from “The Wizard of Oz”.

Don’t be that girl.

Even if you have to sit in your room and drink of a bottle of Jack Daniels alone on your twin bed to develop a level of tolerance – do it. Girls will think you’re annoying and boys won’t want to sleep with you.

•History 101 is not a nightclub

There’s no reason to be dressed up in a nice button down or a dress to take notes in a lecture class.

You’re not going to the club, you’re going to class.

You should be too hungover from partying, or tired from studying all night, to make sure your makeup looks perfect or your hair is gelled to perfection.

Wear sweats or basketball shorts or jeans and a t-shirt.